I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize