There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
