I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
