I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
