He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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