Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
