guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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