I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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