Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
