I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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