so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
