i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
that's an acceptable place to lick
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
