What did we do last night that was yellow?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
cat food counts as protein by the way
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
