was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize