She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
