This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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