your thong is hanging out like whoa
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
