Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
