if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize