Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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