Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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