I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
