I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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