you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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