We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
