so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
