i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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