she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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