party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
