May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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