we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
