Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize