Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
