We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
