Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
