She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
