she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
