oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
