I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize