in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
