Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
