I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
