I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
