Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
