Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
