i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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