WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The ass gains better be worth it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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