im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
