We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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