hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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