I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He has the fingertips of a God
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