do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize