A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize