Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
