____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
PANTIES FOUND
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