Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
