There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My liver just broke up with me...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
