so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
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