I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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