i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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