nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
