it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
