And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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