Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
