He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
