Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
they need to just BURY HIM!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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