She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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