last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize