I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
