My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
