i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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