I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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