Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
