why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize