She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize