All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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